Thursday 24 November 2016

Common Challenges of Forgiving Others


The Bible encourages us to forgive our brothers and sisters when they offend us. Be merciful as your Father is merciful (Lk6:36).  But in our efforts to be merciful like the Father we may face many daunting challenges. This article discusses some of these difficulties.

Hardness of Heart

One of the commonest challenges we may face is hardness of heart or lack of forgiveness. We may find it difficult to forgive because our hearts are hard and hardened, bitter and embittered. We know we have to forgive, but in our heart of Heart we don't want to forgive. When we find it difficult to forgive, let us remember the parable of the ungrateful servant (Matt 18:23-35). The Bible warns us that "merciless will be the judgement of those who show no mercy" (Jam 1:13).

Initiating Forgiveness

Our Lord Jesus Christ says if we are offended, we should take forgiveness to those who offended us. We should take the first step. We have to make the first move and initiate forgiveness and reconciliation. "If you are bringing an offering to the altar, and remember that your brother has something against you. Leave your offering at the altar, go and reconcile with your brother" (Matt 5:23-24). "If another member of the Church sins against you, go and point out the fault when two of you are alone"(Matt 18: 15-17).

Initiating Forgiveness is very difficult for many of us. When we are offended, we become very angry. We rage. We foam.  The last thing we want to do is to go and meet the offender. We say in our hearts:  if the offender wants forgiveness let him come and beg for it. In our pride and narrow mindedness we wait for people to apologise first before we forgive. The offender may not come and beg for forgiveness. We may wait for ever. We may wait in vain.

God did not wait for humanity to ask for forgiveness before He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. God took the first initiative and He is asking us to do the same- to swallow our pride, come down from our thrones, go and offer mercy to our brothers and sisters.

Forgiveness and Memory

Many preachers have said that we have to forgive and forget. Sometimes we may forgive but we may not forget. Many Christians go around with guilt because they can't forget the wrong perpetrated against them. It is common to hear people say: "I have forgiven but I can't just forget". We need to understand that certain horrendous events cannot be forgotten because we are human beings, because we have memory. A victim of rape may never forget her ordeal even if she forgives her rapist.

We don't have to feel guilty because we have not forgotten the hideous experience we endured. However, we don't have to deliberately recall these horrible events or habitually bring them to mind. We must not brood over the past events. It is not necessary to revive or relive the feeling of anger, hatred and sadness over and over again.

We can remember the awful and dreadful events of our lives without anger, malice, hatred and sadness. We can ask God to purify our memory.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Sometimes in life reconciliation does not always follow forgiveness. It is possible to forgive and still find it difficult to reconcile with others. Especially if the other party is not ready for reconciliation. We don't have to feel guilty because our efforts to reconcile with somebody fail. We can't force anybody to reconcile with us. We can pray for the other party. We can involve others in our attempts at reconciliation.  We can hope that one day we will reconcile. We should  be always open to reconciliation.
Meanwhile we are at peace.  We maintain our peace of mind while waiting for reconciliation to succeed. We don't have to live in debilitating guilty because we have not yet reconcile with the other.

Be merciful like the Father can be very challenging but not impossible. Every effort at forgiveness and reconciliation is worth the trouble. Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.

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